Can you Convince me of Certain Matters?

          Amongst my ‘real’ work I’ve slowly developed a bit of a practice in privately paid driving cases. I don’t enjoy the work at all but irritatingly I keep winning, so the solicitors keep giving me more.

            Today I went to Bicester Magistrates Court to represent a business man accused of, God forbid, speeding. As usual I had a selection of technical defences that the solicitors had conjured up for me. Unusually I actually had one of the solicitors there to watch me and speak to the client.

            “They sent me down from the office,” she said, referring to the solicitor’s office in Manchester, “to see how you do it.”

            “Well,” I said, slightly bashful at the implications, “I just do what you tell me to.”

            “Listen to him!” she said to my client, who was sitting by our side. “To hear him you wouldn’t think he’d won 34 cases in a row for us would you?”

            “I don’t know if it’s quite that many.” I said, concerned at the pressure mounting on the present case.

            “It is!” she said. “We have a little statute in the corner of the office that someone built for you. We keep adding little mementos to it every time you win. There are 34 of them.”

            “How extraordinary!” said my client, “I’m glad to know I’m in the hands of the best of them!”

            I smiled.

            At this moment the prosecutor came around the corner and asked me for a word. I excused myself and joined him in a conference room.

            “Listen,” he said, “it seems to me we’ve got a few problems with our case. One of our officers isn’t turning up, and between you and me, we’ve had a few problems with the laser devices in this area. If you were able to convince me then I might just be able to drop the case.”

            “Consider yourself convinced,” I said. A prosecutor can’t just drop a case in court, but if he can refer to discussions with Counsel for the defence that have drawn his attention to certain matters then, well, that’s another thing.

            “Thanks,” he replied, laughing.

            I walked back outside to the waiting area and approached my client and solicitor nonchalantly.

            “The prosecutor is going to drop the case,” I said.

            “What?” said the two of them in chorus.

            “He’s agreed that the evidence against you is insufficient.”

            “How do you do it?” asked my solicitor in amazement.

            “It was nothing, honestly. Just luck, that’s all.”

            “35 cases in a row is nothing to do with luck Mr. Evans,” she said. “I only wish I’d been in there to watch the magic happen!”

            “Thanks,” said my client, “honestly, thanks. You really have saved my bacon.”

            Sometimes this job can be so amusing. The flipside, however, is that when things go wrong for equally chance reasons you get all the blame.

           

*

 

            No text from the girl at the bus stop yet.