Special Friends

          Ed presented me with a list when I got home from work tonight. He’d clearly been thinking about the wedding crasher adventure. It was a list of wedding venues in central London. I picked one at random and Ed phoned it up.

            “I’m really sorry,” he said, camping it up completely, “this will seem so silly, but can I book a room with you for the wedding this Saturday? What? There’s no wedding? Oh but I’m sure he said it was your place… The groom, silly, I’m a special friend of his, honey... Oooh get you! So you do have a wedding on, yes darling, I understand the secrecy. So how much is that? Fine, I’ll just have to go grab my boyfriend’s card for that, I’m quite the kept man you know! Oh, before I do that, this is so terribly embarrassing, could you remind me of the bride’s name. It’s been a couple of years since the groom and spoke, I’m not exactly the top dinner guest in his new life, if you know what I mean honey! But at least he couldn’t leave me out the wedding!  Alison Evedon, perfect, thanks dear, I’ll just go get that card.” He put down the phone laughing.

            We looked the girl up on Google and discovered she’s the daughter of Lord Evedon who has an entire village named after him in Buckinghamshire.

            “Sweet,” said Ed, “it’s perfect.”

            “Dude, you’re gonna have to pretend to be posh,” I said.

            “Piece of cake, mate, I’ve been watching you long enough. I just have to talk a load of fucking crap using excessively long and pretentious words where simplicity would suffice.”

            “‘Where simplicity would suffice’,” I echoed. “That’s a bit pretentious and alliterative isn’t it?”

            “I told you it was easy.”